New Zealand's Olympic Legends
The Kiwi Crew
During the Olympics, I watched Nathan Cohen and Joseph Sullivan race to win a pristine gold medal in Rowing in the 2012 Olympic Games in London.
The water was crystal clear.
The siren went. Off went the Kiwi crew.
Once they hit the water, they were off.
We all shouted, "Go the Kiwis!"
I had hope in New Zealand.
The oars sliced the water like a knife cutting meat. They were long and straight. The rowers' legs were going up and down fast as.
We then got in front of a canoe.
Once we got to the second quarter, We passed another canoe. We were coming second. I could see the finish line.
Hooray! We won!
I was so happy that we had won a gold medal. I am so happy that I am a New Zealander.
Great writing you could describe what Joseph Sullivan and Nathan Cohen looked like.
ReplyDeleteGreat writing it would be good if you could describe Joseph Sullivan and Nathan Cohen.
ReplyDeleteHi Dre,
ReplyDeleteI can see you are learning to use similies in the piece of writing by describing the oars with a knife. I also like how you kept the readers attention by changing the sentences so they start in a variety of ways.
The word pristine, a very good use of the word. You also use a variety of sentence lengths.
I like your summary. If we didn't win, but tried our best, would you still be proud to be a New Zealander?
Mrs Atkins